I was in love once. My story isn't particularly unique or one of a kind, but it is mine. I met him on OkCupid. This was either late September or early October of 2013. It started simply enough. I remember that his profile picture didn't really capture my attention. He was sitting in a chair wearing sunglasses. He was smiling. He looked very boy next door, like the kind of guy you'd pass on the metro, smile at but not think about once he got off the train. But I messaged him. At first, he didn't respond. I waited a few days and messaged him again. Two attempts and if no response, I get the hint and move one. After the second attempt, he messaged back.
We started chatting. I remember saying that I was an open book and that he could ask me anything. So he sent me a series of five questions. I don't remember most of them, but they ranged from the typical "where'd you go to school," "how many siblings do you have," "where did you grow up variety" to the "how many rolls of toilet paper would it take to go around the world." I was sitting in a pub in Annapolis when I got that last question. I was at the table with my roommate and good friend who were excited I was talking to someone interesting. I said that question to them and then started doing math. They were very perplexed. I told them I needed to figure out the average length of a roll of toilet paper, then the circumference of the globe at the equator and divide it my the average length of a toilet paper roll. They both started laughing. For the life of me I couldn't understand why. They understood what he really asked. He meant if I were to take a trip around the world, how many rolls of toilet paper would I bring. They imagined his face when I sent my numeric response and burst out laughing.
I would ask him questions too. We'd take turns. Five questions each. I would ask the a variety of questions, just like him. Questions like , "where are you from," "what's the best vacation you've ever taken," and "what is your favorite constellation." Every time I would ask one of the more random and esoteric questions, I always had an answer I hoped he would say. I would wonder if we would be compatible. I'm a total water guy and my favorite vacation was one where I went scuba diving for the first time. His best vacation was scuba diving. My favorite constellation was Orion because it was always visible when I was in places where I could actually see stars. His favorite constellation was Orion because when he would go camping when he was younger, he always looked up and saw the three stars that made his belt staring back at him.
With every message we exchanged I was more and more excited at the idea of meeting this guy. I had lived in Washington, D.C. for a little over a year at that point but still hadn't really dated anyone. My first job precluded me from having much of a social life, having a schedule that constantly changed. I also didn't have a gay network in DC. I would have to drag my roommate with me to the gay bars. To his credit he would go and often times would enjoy himself (it helps being one of the only straight guys in a gar bar teaming with fruit flies).
When I asked him out, he actually said no. He said that he wanted to keep messaging and get to know me a little more. We would Skype and talk. In fact, I actually met his best friend via Skype before we even had our first date. We'd spend an hour talking and learning more about each other. When I'd ask him who his favorite bands were, or what type of music he liked, or what TV shows he would watch, he would say every thing I hoped he would say.
After about a month of virtual dating, we decided that the other wasn't some weird murderer and he agreed to go on a date in person. I'm more of a home body so I suggested he come to my house to help me pass out candy on Halloween. I'd even pick up Chipotle for us.
October 31, 2013, I met him at the north exit of the Dupont metro, Chipotle in hand. We walked back to my house in Georgetown. It wasn't a long walk but just long enough that we could figure out the vibe. It was one of comfort and ease. I remember paused at the traffic light in front of the Cosmos Club, I was standing behind him. I decided to wrap my arms around him and he leaned into me when I did it. That was the moment I fell in love, though I didn't know it at the time.
When I write about our first date, it doesn't seem that special. I mean we all have our ideas of what we think our perfect date should be. For some it's April 25th, for other's its a walk in the park or a concert. For me it was eating Chipotle, handing out candy to the dozen or so families that realized my english basement did indeed have candy for their children, and watching the Emperor's New Groove.
To this day, that's probably the best first date I've ever had. But what made it even more amazing was what was to follow. Since Halloween that year was on a Thursday, I had already made plans to go to a masquerade ball at the French Embassy with my best friend, though I really wanted to see him again. On the car ride home halloween, he held my hand. I remember him saying that what he loved most in a relationship was when his boyfriend would rub his thumb on his hand while they would hold hands. He rubbed his thumb on mine.
We didn't see each other the following day, but that Saturday we did. The same best friend I went to the gala with was hosting a party up in Bethesda. It was a bit of a trek, but there is VERY little I wouldn't do for her so being a good friend I went. But the good news is that it was daylight savings that night, which means we gained an hour. So instead of arriving back at my house at 2:00am, I arrived at 1:00am. I obviously had been texting my date all night and he invited me over to Alexandria to come hang out. He and his best friend got a hotel room because they had gone out to celebrate her 30th birthday. He said I should come to the hotel and hang out with them. Since I had that extra hour and was sober, I decided why not and I drove over.
That was the first time we spent the night together.
Over the next four weeks he and I would talk every day and actually see each other four or five days a week. He would metro into DC and walk north from Foggy Bottom to my house in Georgetown or I would drive the 20 minutes to Del Ray and hang out at his place. It felt like I had been dating him for six months already. We were so comfortable with each other. I didn't have my guard up and it seemed like he didn't either. He even drove me, parked and walked me in to the terminal when I was going to my annual volunteer conference in central California. My own family doesn't even pick me up from the airport when I visit them, but here was this guy I had known for a few weeks parking, walking me to security and giving me a kiss goodbye as I left for a long weekend.
I was on cloud nine. My life was what I hoped it would be. I was starting a relationship that seemed like it was headed for something great. That happiness pervaded every aspect of my life. I received one of the best quarterly reviews from my managers while he and I were dating. I didn't even seem to mind the bitter cold, even though it was only my second time experiencing a DC winter. I was the happiest I had ever been. Then it changed.
We started chatting. I remember saying that I was an open book and that he could ask me anything. So he sent me a series of five questions. I don't remember most of them, but they ranged from the typical "where'd you go to school," "how many siblings do you have," "where did you grow up variety" to the "how many rolls of toilet paper would it take to go around the world." I was sitting in a pub in Annapolis when I got that last question. I was at the table with my roommate and good friend who were excited I was talking to someone interesting. I said that question to them and then started doing math. They were very perplexed. I told them I needed to figure out the average length of a roll of toilet paper, then the circumference of the globe at the equator and divide it my the average length of a toilet paper roll. They both started laughing. For the life of me I couldn't understand why. They understood what he really asked. He meant if I were to take a trip around the world, how many rolls of toilet paper would I bring. They imagined his face when I sent my numeric response and burst out laughing.
I would ask him questions too. We'd take turns. Five questions each. I would ask the a variety of questions, just like him. Questions like , "where are you from," "what's the best vacation you've ever taken," and "what is your favorite constellation." Every time I would ask one of the more random and esoteric questions, I always had an answer I hoped he would say. I would wonder if we would be compatible. I'm a total water guy and my favorite vacation was one where I went scuba diving for the first time. His best vacation was scuba diving. My favorite constellation was Orion because it was always visible when I was in places where I could actually see stars. His favorite constellation was Orion because when he would go camping when he was younger, he always looked up and saw the three stars that made his belt staring back at him.
With every message we exchanged I was more and more excited at the idea of meeting this guy. I had lived in Washington, D.C. for a little over a year at that point but still hadn't really dated anyone. My first job precluded me from having much of a social life, having a schedule that constantly changed. I also didn't have a gay network in DC. I would have to drag my roommate with me to the gay bars. To his credit he would go and often times would enjoy himself (it helps being one of the only straight guys in a gar bar teaming with fruit flies).
When I asked him out, he actually said no. He said that he wanted to keep messaging and get to know me a little more. We would Skype and talk. In fact, I actually met his best friend via Skype before we even had our first date. We'd spend an hour talking and learning more about each other. When I'd ask him who his favorite bands were, or what type of music he liked, or what TV shows he would watch, he would say every thing I hoped he would say.
After about a month of virtual dating, we decided that the other wasn't some weird murderer and he agreed to go on a date in person. I'm more of a home body so I suggested he come to my house to help me pass out candy on Halloween. I'd even pick up Chipotle for us.
October 31, 2013, I met him at the north exit of the Dupont metro, Chipotle in hand. We walked back to my house in Georgetown. It wasn't a long walk but just long enough that we could figure out the vibe. It was one of comfort and ease. I remember paused at the traffic light in front of the Cosmos Club, I was standing behind him. I decided to wrap my arms around him and he leaned into me when I did it. That was the moment I fell in love, though I didn't know it at the time.
When I write about our first date, it doesn't seem that special. I mean we all have our ideas of what we think our perfect date should be. For some it's April 25th, for other's its a walk in the park or a concert. For me it was eating Chipotle, handing out candy to the dozen or so families that realized my english basement did indeed have candy for their children, and watching the Emperor's New Groove.
To this day, that's probably the best first date I've ever had. But what made it even more amazing was what was to follow. Since Halloween that year was on a Thursday, I had already made plans to go to a masquerade ball at the French Embassy with my best friend, though I really wanted to see him again. On the car ride home halloween, he held my hand. I remember him saying that what he loved most in a relationship was when his boyfriend would rub his thumb on his hand while they would hold hands. He rubbed his thumb on mine.
We didn't see each other the following day, but that Saturday we did. The same best friend I went to the gala with was hosting a party up in Bethesda. It was a bit of a trek, but there is VERY little I wouldn't do for her so being a good friend I went. But the good news is that it was daylight savings that night, which means we gained an hour. So instead of arriving back at my house at 2:00am, I arrived at 1:00am. I obviously had been texting my date all night and he invited me over to Alexandria to come hang out. He and his best friend got a hotel room because they had gone out to celebrate her 30th birthday. He said I should come to the hotel and hang out with them. Since I had that extra hour and was sober, I decided why not and I drove over.
That was the first time we spent the night together.
Over the next four weeks he and I would talk every day and actually see each other four or five days a week. He would metro into DC and walk north from Foggy Bottom to my house in Georgetown or I would drive the 20 minutes to Del Ray and hang out at his place. It felt like I had been dating him for six months already. We were so comfortable with each other. I didn't have my guard up and it seemed like he didn't either. He even drove me, parked and walked me in to the terminal when I was going to my annual volunteer conference in central California. My own family doesn't even pick me up from the airport when I visit them, but here was this guy I had known for a few weeks parking, walking me to security and giving me a kiss goodbye as I left for a long weekend.
I was on cloud nine. My life was what I hoped it would be. I was starting a relationship that seemed like it was headed for something great. That happiness pervaded every aspect of my life. I received one of the best quarterly reviews from my managers while he and I were dating. I didn't even seem to mind the bitter cold, even though it was only my second time experiencing a DC winter. I was the happiest I had ever been. Then it changed.
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